Real life friends are tough for me right now. I’ve entered a phase in my life that can only be described as “nesting” (I’m not pregnant – in any shape way or form. not even with joy or any of that malarkey); all I want to do with my free time is stay home and be cozy in our home which is becoming more likable every day. I literally don’t want to go anywhere. I just want to be in our warm, safe home with my puppy and my husband. So the whole not wanting to leave the house is making my social scene bleak.
There’s another problem. I’ve fallen in a crack in friend land. I have a lovely, lovely neighbor that wants to make friends but I am scared that we won’t get on and then it’ll be so very awkward living across the street from each other. This neighbor is married. Like WAY married – she has a beautiful family that includes children. (Kids still freak me out a significant amount).
The people I have accumulated in my life and label as friends are not married. I love my friends very much, but as a newlywed I don’t feel like staying out until 2 a.m., being wasted and watching my friends flirt with men would be constructive for my new marriage. Let me be clear that this is in no way a judgment on anyone’s lifestyle. I get partying and I get being a stay at home mommy. The crack is between the 2 a.m. bar time and putting your kids to bed; I’m in between those phases.
Where do I fit? Where are my people? The people who like to have fun in a relaxed, non-beer-pong kind of way but that can stay out until midnight without a mad panic about a baby sitter. I feel a bit trapped and isolated. However, in my experience isolation usually comes from within not the outside people. I’m thinking the problem is in my head, not my actual friend set. I should be bolder and gutsier about making friends. Making new friends freaks me right out. I think I might have a mild social anxiety disorder or something. I dread talking to people. Okay wait, that sounds like a pretty serious social anxiety disorder. Rest assured that if we ever met in real life I would be awkward and have sweaty palms. Maybe that’s why I LOVE you bloggy people so much. You can’t shake my sweaty, social anxiety palms – kidding. You interact with me when you want to and I read about your life while self-indulgently writing about my own life. Interaction based on free will and not guilt!
Are you good at making friends? Some people are bubbly and enthusiastic about it and then some of us get sweaty at the thought of having to talk.
I wish blog friends lived closer, then we could hang out and talk about how we don’t like talking to other people
You’re so funny! We could talk about not wanting to talk or we could sit around not talking and it would be awesome!
I know what you are going through, because like you I am in the middle too. I have friends that have kids, and when I talk to them on the phone all I hear are kids crying and the person on the phone with me is not paying attention to me. The other friends just are in a different spot then me altogether. It is just crazy, but I do make friends easily. I am the person in the room that if I spot someone who is… like you… I go up an speak with them and introduce them to others and make sure they feel comfortable before I leave them. I have to be outgoing because my sister was not, so I helped her out.
Yes it’s weird being trapped in the middle of worlds. Collin said I should just hang out with everyone and be completely myself and if someone doesn’t like it they won’t be my friend, but like you pointed out it’s not so much the being myself that is a problem but more of an interaction thing. It’s hard to build friendships when you don’t even want to do the same things; like have an actual conversation without screaming kids. That sounded like I don’t like kids. Kids are fine for other people, but right now I’m not all about them.
I’m awful at making new friends. I mean, I’m friendly-ish, it’s just rare to find someone with whom I have enough of a connection to spend time with them as opposed to spending it with myself. Does that makes sense? I’m an introvert, and making friends is effort and energy and it’s exhausting and I love spending time with myself and himself and our cat and the friends that I already have (but don’t live near) and isn’t that enough?!?!? I guess my failing is that I want an instant deep connection with a potential friend, and if not, I’m not bothered with the surface stuff. That’s awful of me, I know.
But a friend that’s a neighbor? Hello, that’d be fun. I know what you mean about the crack, though — 2 a.m. is awesome if I’m in my sweats having a delicious beverage on the couch. But . . . being OUT? Like, OUT out? Pfft.
Yes!! Making friends is exhausting, I completely agree. I 100% second everything you said here. That’s why I like blog friends! You should move to Blogton with me and Lizzie – we’re going to start a state just for bloggers!
Oh man…This is painfully common. I’m good at meeting people, I’m outgoing and friendly…but we moved from Chicago to Fort Worth three years ago and we have had a next-to-impossible time finding people to connect with down here…They think we’re off-putting and Northern and our accents are too rough, they say.
Needless to say…the blog has been an awesome outlet for us to meet great people and connect in a real way and all of that…I understand where you’re coming from, lady. All the bloggers should live in one state.
Yes! Blogton, it would be amazing! I’ve only been to Texas once but I got the distinct feeling I was not welcome and I should go back where I came from. It was weird. That experience definitely colors my perception of Texas now, but knowing that you live there make me like it better!
[...] when I was being all whiney and “I don’t fit anywhere; I’m in a crack“? Well I recently tried to glue that crack together. I was going to jam it together and glue [...]