I’m seriously stuggling. I think I might just be a b-word. There is someone in my life that drives me crazy. I deal with this person on a daily basis. And some days I find myself grinding my teeth – a new and disturbing habit. I’m making lists of all the benefits my current situation provides so I can see that this one person is not ruining what I have. I
How do you change your natural teeth-nashing response to someone? I’m not sure how much of my annoyance is real and how much has just snowballed into being a crazy person. Like are the things I’m annoyed with reasonable things to be annoyed at? We will obvisoulsy never be friendsSometimes when I talk to this person it goes well and I think, “gee maybe I’m just a cranky-mean a-hole”. Then sometimes I talk to this person and I am literally left speechless because of some of the stuff that is said. Stunned. Here is an example of an exchange I would like to forget.
The person: “I’m so excited my Dad is coming visit”. Me: ”Oh yeah. That’ll be nice”. The person: “He is really hot. I can’t wait for you to see him”. Me: blank stare The person: “He could be married to a super-model and give her everything she wants” Me: …..I’m an adult. I know I can’t change anything about this person, so I need to change myself. How would you do this? How do you reconstruct your brain? I came up with a plan to go home and tell Collin one nice thing about this person and thereby change my thinking and put a positive spin on things. It worked, for a while – until one bad day and then I came off the tracks and ranted and raved about things that were not nice. Also my brain kept wanting to use back-handed compliment*. So I’m thinking not only should I make myself say one nice thing to Collin about this person. I should say one nice, encouraging thing to this person every day.
I really do want to change and fix this situation because it is a situation I am stuck in for the forseeable future; and frankly I am only making myself miserable. Oh and I don’t want to be known as a b-word. Thoughts? Suggestions? Medication recommendations?
*In 8th grade our sunday school teacher gave us and example of a back-handed comment: “you don’t sweat much for a fat girl”. Real cool. I fully grasped the meaning of a back-handed compliment.
Arrested Development! Not only a hilarious show, but also a problem that effects many young adults
I think every office has one of these “Lennies”. I know I have one. I’m staring at him right now. A 30 year old adult male, who wears thug wear? Is this person a thug? NO! They’re from the suburbs of central Oregon. And he also says stupid things too. His response to anyone who makes a mistake is, “what kind of rock you smokin’ when you wrote this/did this?” The bigger the mistake, the better the rock I guess I supposedly smoked. So I get to hear that 11 times a day.
So to answer your question, no your not a B-word. As adults I think we assume everyone in our age bracket has the same general ideas and sensibilities, and when we interact with someone that is outside of that general range, it envokes an emotional response. In this case, disgust. But its not bad, its just the outside doesn’t match the inside. What may look like a grown woman or man in appearance is quite possibly a 12 year old on the inside. Scary right?
I feel like a know you pretty well, and I don’t think you’re a bee-word. I think this Collin guy hit the nail on the head. You expect a certain level of maturity, responsibility, and professionalism from your peers/co-workers and when that falls short your brain goes WTF is wrong with this person??
My suggestion is you I would use the back handed comments. She obviously doesn’t know what’s appropriate or when to shut up. So just say something like “ohhhhh thats creepy and weird you think your dad is hot. You might need some therapy for that.”
Sorry my advice isn’t more helpful or constructive. Couldn’t you convince her she’s not reaching her full potential and that there is a much better job out there for her?
You’re not a b***h. Absolutely not. It’s only natural to get pissed off at annoying people who don’t have a grasp on social norms. Do you hear me? You’re not a b-word because you’re annoyed by a crazy person.
You’re also right that you can’t allow this person to drive you insane. That’s not fair to you (and it’s also not fair to Collin). I’m not sure how closely you work with this person but my solution would fall somewhere between backhanded comments and being nice…I’d be politely curt and keep discussion to work topics. There are always those people who you don’t share personal stuff with in an office and those that it’s okay and mutually agreed upon. This person doesn’t sound like they’ll pick up on it right away but they might pick up eventually. It’ll let you focus on your own work, perhaps a bit more lonely but with a little less teeth grinding (ow!).
(I’m pretty sure I work with a guy who is on the Aspurgers-autism spectrum but it’s totally an annoyance diagnosis on my part so who knows…the only truth of the matter is that he drives me INSANE.)
Can we talk about wearing tights as pants. What is that? Is that a new thing? Did I just miss being a part of this fad by 2 years. What in the world. “oh. can you see my butt?” isn’t something that should ever be said in the work place – maybe I’m old fashioned.
Thanks for your suggestions guys. My family really weighed in on this topic – thanks for the solidarity!
When our new girl started I specifically told her that leggings are not pants and she should not wear them. I see lots of larger people wearing them too….yikes! When did stretch pants come back in?? Come on that’s not a good look for anyone. At least all these peoples’ children will be able to laugh/barf when they look back at pictures of their parents.
oh my, i don’t know you in real life, but i find it really, really hard to imagine that you’re a bee-word, and i was surprised to see that as the title of your post. i don’t have much advice beyond what others have said, but i hope you don’t really think that you’re a bee-word. from your posts, you seem really genuine and thoughtful and nice.
i work with someone who is inappropriate and mean and controlling, and my solution has been to recognize that it is not personal – he treats everyone this way – and avoid personal conversations. I stay polite but i minimize interactions and only discuss work topics. I think it’s ok to rant once in a while to your spouse. i would not be able to survive if i didn’t do that. it’s not in my personality to be able to give back handed compliments, but if i could pull that off, i would.